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Exactly 2 months have passed since my last update. Despite that, the world still turns, the sun still shines, and Justin Bieber still annoys me. Now however, the twin shackles of lethargy and indifference have finally rusted through constant outpouring of requests from around the world has stirred me to literary action. Since my last report, so much has happened that it's difficult, even for me, to credibly recount the excitement that is my life. This notwithstanding, I shan't deprive you the opportunity to share my musings regarding the past 60 days.
I suppose the item noticed by most people was the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge that swept the nation/globe, leaving even the most jaded national press agog with the phenomenon. For about 3 weeks, you couldn't avoid the videos of folks doing their best to combat a truly devastating disease, but in a way that permitted them their Warhol-ish 15 seconds of fame. Then, at what seemed the feverish height of this movement, it was derailed by reports that an inordinate amount of the donated funds were being used for administrative expenses. I'm not sure about that; I believe the movement simply ran out of steam. After all, when every person on the planet has either done the challenge or refused the challenge, where do you go from there?
No matter; on the heels of this, came the Positive/Thankfulness challenge. This mini-wave has not demonstrated the shelf life of its predecessor, and is apparently dying the slow death of indifference. Of course, nature abhors a vacuum, and as such, I offer a solution to the attention starved, media worshipping, carnival showman that lies deep within us all. I propose the creation of a Sociopathic Behavior Modification Challenge - simply, a person posts a video that challenges 3 other persons to do something very specific, thereby making the world a better place. For example, challenge your friends/associates to lose weight, stop smoking, lying, cheating on their spouse or bullying. The challenge could also be to make a positive change; i.e.: brushing teeth or bathing more often, learning to share, become more responsible or dressing in more decade appropriate (or age/body type appropriate) clothing. Naturally, calling folks out like this would be wildly entertaining and would more than likely become the next reality series on network television.
The balance of the summer's happenings around the globe were primarily depressing - too much so to recount in this lighthearted tome. However, I cannot let 2 news items go without mention; the retirement of Barbara Walters and Dianne Sawyer were at once an astonishing breath of fresh air at ABC, and occasions that made my unpublished list of things for which I am thankful. Though these well seasoned heifers will still have "special reporting" assignments, putting them out to pasture was a merciful act, as Babs had become the Willie Mays of the '73 Mets, and Lady D wasn't far behind. I've got nothing against blondes; I love my little cowgirl, but they had to go.
The final touches of my summer were more recent. In late August, I reprised my Road Warrior role with the school bus company. Summer's bucolic song was shattered by the sounds of pre-pubescents' raucous, top-of-their-voice communiques - made only worse by my employer's insensitive refusal to allow Gin & Tonic fixins' on the bus. It's gonna be a long year.
Last weekend's gathering of the tribes, more commonly known by you dear readers as PattyPalooza, rounded out the season. Though bereft of the ribald shenanigans that were common in year's past, the event was nonetheless a welcome opportunity to nuzzle with the pack, check out the woods, reacquaint myself with the girls in the moon, and torch a Lazy Boy chair. Admittedly, this was what got my juices flowing most rapidly, because as most of you know, I'm about 1 gene shy of a pyro.
At this point, you're as up to date as you're gonna get. I'll do my best to post more regularly, because I know it's sinful to deprive you of that to which you've become addicted. Quando te absim me fallunt.
