TommyRot

     Greetings all; I'm guest-authoring Speed's blog as he continues to mend (see final paragraph - last post). Though temporarily out of commission, he continues to bombard me with ideas/suggestions/directives for delivery to his loyal followers, the Speed Demons. I wish he'd die miss him so. I'll get to that, but first permit me to right a grevious wrong. Having never been properly introduced, I think it best to provide you an inside glimpse of Tommy Geronimo.

     Some time ago, I was literally created out of thin air; specifically, as my embodiment careened at terminal velocity toward earth - from about 12,000 feet. It was somewwhere near the 9,000 foot mark that the adrenaline charged sperm of an idea, met with the thrill-seeking egg of its host, and voila', Tommy was conceived and, flashing his trademark "V", became fully formed before he hit the ground.

     After that, every trip down the river, every highly-charged competition, every controlled explosion (in other words, every dance on the knife's edge of fear) that Speed has reported on, has been my handiwork.

     As you might imagine, my uber-agressive ready/fire/aim approach to life has won me, in equal numbers, admirers and detractors. As you also might imagine, I care not a whit. Speed sets the course and I pilot the ship, while the third member of this unholy trinity, Jesse Wrinkles (you'll meet him soon enough) provides little more than ballast. Indeed, there are other iterations rattling around in here: Spike, Pinto, et al; from time to time, each will assert himself, but rarely have a positive influence on any outcome.

     My plans for this year are still in the formulative stages; assuredly, they'll include the usual river trip and camping detonations - maybe a quick trip back to the dark continent. Who knows?

     This may be my first and last post, as Speed's recovery is proceeding faster than many would prefer expected. As such, I'm mixin' me a batch of Bloody Marys, grabbin' a flaxen-haired beauty and headin' on down to Texas. I love road trips. Adios, amigos..............

i Carrumba

Philistines:

     Happy New Year! Yes it is, boys and girls - because I have seen the light. I've come out of the darkness, in from the cold and entered the throne room of happiness; I am the proud owner of an iphone 4S.

     I know what you're thinking, "OMG Speed, are you really that unaware of what a jerk you are how could you get any cooler?" Well kids, I did. In just the few days since I purchased my little pleasure machine, I've increased my IQ nearly 10 points - to an astonishing level; in fact, Siri now asks me questions. But, the fun doesn't end there; something else happens to you when you indulge in this particular guilty pleasure. Carrying this Betty also affects your metabolism and reverses the aging process! I'm now 7 lbs. lighter and appear a bit younger than when I first acquired Mr. Jobs' <moment of silence observed> handiwork.

     Frankly, I'm not certain how I, or anyone else for that matter, ever functioned without this marvel. Carrying this dynamo, packed into a sublime 4.8 oz. package, just seems such a perfect match. We are a fantastic team; we complete each other - finally, a Bonnie to my Clyde! If loving her is wrong, I don't wanna be right.

     Before I forget, I must thank those responsible for making this not-insignificant investment possible. It is for you, dear readers, that I've taken this plunge. Now even more of you have 24/7 access to me. Avail yourselves of the e-mail, text messaging, Skyping, Facebooking, etc. opportunities that exist - before it's too late. Don't let another day go by without enriching yourselves, by resting 'neath the tree of all knowledge that I'm destined to become.....

Editor's note: Shortly after completing this post, Speed's head, swelled by a combination of knowledge and hubris, became unstable on his neck. His frame, no longer able to support it's massive, medicine ball-like cranium, was air-lifted to an undisclosed medical facility in the Carribbean. Thankfully, the drainage procedure being employed will more than likely return him to normal <snicker>. Until then, Tommy G. will guest-host this blog. Nos petos preces of fidelis.