You've Got Questions, I've Got Answers

Penitents:
     Unaccustomed as I am to sideline sitting, I've nonetheless been observing, with amusement, our culture's odd facination with punditry. Take, for example, the recently completed Super Bowl; I don't know how much money is wasted on paid to the assorted lingo-mastication artists, collected and presented like an array of freakish sideshow attractions, but the cost/benefit ratio of this moron-a-thon is off the charts. In fact, <Editor's note: In the interest of time and as a gesture of reader appreciation, we'll not publish Speed's opening rant in it's entirety; should you require further dulling of the senses, the complete text may be obtained by request.>
     Because of this, I've decided to empanel my own think tank - asking fellow Mensa members to join me for this, the first Mailbag Edition of 2013. I've extended invitations to a half dozen or so similarly gifted stablemates; alas, my pathetic bleatings garnered no response unfortunately, my intellectual peer group is currently engaged in sundry alchemical pursuits and as such, is unavailable. Soldiering on alone, I've selected an array of hot topicals submitted by you, dear readers; here we go.
 
Q: What is your position on gun control? - Wayne L.

A: I receive this question a lot. At its very core, it is a complex issue involving constitutional interpretation, socialogical components, 6th Commandment paradigms (and a plethora of other theological tenets), economic concerns, and the emotional push & pull of the annualized impact on our workforce - seasonally adjusted. I completely agree. -sound of crickets chirping-
 
Q: Did you bet on the Super Bowl, and if so, on whom? Roger G.

A: Once again, I reside at the intersection of prescience and good fortune. I bet the over on the time of the game (+/- 4 hours).
 
 

 
Q: Was Ben Affleck shafted by this year's Oscar committee? - Seth M.
A: Oh my ......... go ask your mother.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 


Q: This flu season has been particularly severe; have you been sick ? - Everett C.
A: No; my body is as fit as my mind.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 


Q: Should the long-standing ban on using women in combat be lifted? - David P.

A: This country was founded on the principal of equal access to all the benefits our great land provides. I suppose this includes access to our V.A. Hospitals and National Cemeteries.
 


 
 
Q: How will Lance Armstrong and Manti Teo' ever begin to repair their reputations? - Katie C.
A: If liar's poker ever becomes an Olympic sport.
 
 



Q: We know almost nothing of your personal life; are you married? - Various
A: I've recently become engaged to the woman of my dreams (pictured); I she completes me.....
 
     That's all for now slugabeds. The balance of this month will be spent in preparation for my return to Sierra Leone. I'll try to update you before I leave. Sulum volo ut exsisto mihi.......