I See All

Shiny Lights:

     Having finally opened the last of the mountainous pile (48,763 to be exact) of Christmas presents, I find myself in need of a respite and accompanying sober reflection. The tidal wave of holiday well-wishes has prompted me to acknowledge just how important my ramble has become to so many of you.

     Of course, genius commands that I share as much of my impressive wit & wisdom as possible - my way of sating my relentless ego giving back to the community - thus, my compulsion to provide all you need for a better life. Having said that, what better way to kick off 2012 than to release my NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS? Strap in kittens, here they come:

1. I will try to be more giving of myself this year: It's hard to imagine that I could give even more than I already do. The incessant push & pull on my time and talents is quite draining; but again, to whom much is given, much is expected.
2. I will not be so judgemental this year: Yeah, right; like the knuckle-dragging Neanderthals that surround me would even notice.
3. I will be more environmentally conscious this year: Look, I love Mother Nature, but come on - it's not like the polar ice cap has completely melted.
4. I will be a better overall person this year: Like that's even possible...

     As an added bonus, I'll also throw in my much-anticipated PREDICTIONS FOR 2012; try to keep up.

1. Season 14 of Dancing With The Stars culminates with the finals dance-off between the pros and their celebrity partners Tanya Harding, Charlie Sheen and Ernest Borgnine. In a stunning upset, the (write-in) winner is Kim Kardashian, fresh off her monumental victory in the South Carolina primary.

2. Gridlock reigns in Washington DC, as efforts to impeach Nancy Pelosi fizzle on news that she's really not alive after all.

3. The entire '12 NFL season is wiped out when enforcement of league rules regarding civil behavior begins; USPFL (United States Penal Football League) forms - Pacman Jones named Commissioner.

4. In a move that goes largely unnoticed, soccer is banned in the United States.

     Naturally, I'll develop more resolutions and predictions as the year unfolds; revealing these, along with spellbinding tales of future exploits will entertain even the most jaded skeptic.

     Yes, I know that there are those few crybaby critics out there in bloggyville that - for reasons known only to themselves and their therapists - have yet to catch the wave, and become Speed Demons. To that small number of whining dullards, I forgive you (see resolution #4, above); enter the fold - Speed's arms are wide open........

BBJ