Piling On

Cisterns:
     The revelatory events of the past week, once again serve as fodder for my delerious ramble literary luminescence. As a professional courtesy, I should maintain my silence with regard to the unpleasantness surrounding one of my brothers-in-prevarication, Manti Te'o. However, it would be criminally negligent to pass on the opportunity to use this pathetic experience as a teaching moment for all my little Speed Demons. 

     By now, you're certainly aware of the unfortunate bean spilling by Deadspin, and their myth-shattering expose of this poor fellow's feel good story. At this point, only those living north of the 38th parallel regard M.T.'s story plausible.
     As one who routinely blurs a keen observer of the fine line between truth and fiction, I wondered where, in the annals of imaginary characters, this one falls. Of course, Manti's ephemeral gal-pal doesn't rate icon status in the Fictional Character Hall of Fame; that rare air is occupied by the likes of Santa Claus, Mickey Mouse, Paul Bunyan, et al. As such, let's examine how this imaginary figment stacks up against what we'll call the B-List of fabricated luminaries.
TOP SHELF - These characters are not as beloved as those fictional super-stars I've mentioned, but nonetheless occupy a reverential position in our culture. Examples of these are: Cinderella, Dracula, William Tell and G.I. Joe. Our dearly (sorta) departed Lennay Kekua, while an intriguing and still-evolving personage, will likely never approach the acceptance required for inclusion with this group.
Middlers - This is the largest group, and is populated by those for whom, at their mention, we nod and smile warmly, but hold no real emotional connection with. Examples of these are: Tom Sawyer, Cupid, Frankenstein, King Arthur and The Marlboro Man. Manti's dream-girl may one day ascend to this plane, but much more must be invented learned about her ( although, her faux-death experience is a good start).


Bottom Feeders - This collection is mostly occupied by anonymous creations like trolls, fairies and left-wingers. A few notable exceptions, whose names we remember are: Barbie, Joe Camel, Nancy Drew and The Little Engine That Could. Certainly, Lennay's candidacy has received a jump-start by the voracious attention this sad story has received (oh, and by the way, Lance Armstrong owes Manti Te'o dinner at a restaurant of his choosing), so it's quite possible that her application for permanent inclusion into this exclusive fraternity/sorority will be approved - albeit, posthumously; God rest her imaginary soul.
    
     Let there be a lesson for you all in this story of the little linebacker that cried wolf; be careful what you wish for - she might die, or not........

1 Corinthians 15:55


BONUS TRACK ALERT!!!
Check out this prescient cut from the Atlanta Rhythm Section from 1978:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZHimj-crMrA