Career Counseling

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     As some of you know, but most do not, I've been involuntarily freed from the bonds of the workaday world; oddly, my career path became self-immolating. I was promoted from Whipping Boy, to Scapegoat, then finally to Sacrificial Lamb. 
     Fear not though dear readers, I shan't degrade this high-minded literary space with acridity; my superior intellect dispenses with such course, urbane indulgence. Rather, I shall remain unfailingly positive, seeking only the higher purposes for which I am destined.
     To that end, it seems appropriate to utilize this neck-jolting  foray into the abyss unsettling turn of events as inspiration for yet another edition of Speed's Top 10 - the subject of our examination today is "Top 10 Benefits of Unemployment" - here we go.
10. No more pesky calculating of remaining Vacation Leave.
  9. Lunches at home - the economic benefit of monotony.
  8. Fantasy office politics - you never lose!
  7. Sweatpants are sooo much more comfortable than dress slacks.
  6. Reviving that long-dormant relationship with your mail carrier.
  5. Always available for daylight liaisons - hey, it could happen!

  4. The liberation of no more meetings.
  3. Gaining an appreciation for just how vacuous smart those women on The View really are.
  2. No stressing over impending performance review. 
  1. Rediscovering the joy of poring over the Classified section.
It is my fond hope that my Speed Demons will recognize the example I've set; it's all about the lemonade, kids. Stay warm.....