Required Reading

Devotees:
    

Well, we've made it yet again through another holiday season together; you, enjoying the warm glow of family and friends - me, enjoying the warm glow of an expertly mixed Bloody Mary. One of these days, I'll reveal the secret formula to the world's most perfect libation. Of course, I've pirated it myself, but that's the American way. Keep your fingers crossed, someday I'll share. 

     However, it's time to get down to business. As a significant contributor within the public domain, I am unfortunately subject to the same draconian rules and regulations to which lessers must abide as well. As such, this year's first post will be devoted solely to complying with dictums proffered by a myriad of government organizations, most of which carry unintelligible acronymnal (my blog, my word) labels. Simply put, I must provide an annual claim and related disclaimer, to ensure that my readership has no means of legal recourse, should any of my subsequent advice/instructional garble be taken seriously and actually acted upon. It is as follows:

 

 CLAIM: Cheap Talk is a semi-regular outpouring of serious thought and well-reasoned opinion. Though rife with too many commas and not enough periods, it may be most accurately described as the Luminosity of blogs; that being, one that not only informs, but educates and improves brain function. Studies indicate that regular consumption of these posts increases cranial activity in the frontal lobes, producing a marked increase in salience and cogent thought. Further, long-term consumption of Cheap Talk is believed by many to elevate physical prowess, inflate self esteem, and enhance one's attractiveness to the opposite sex. Think of it as literary mother's milk.

 

DISCLAIMER: Cheap Talk is not for everyone. Do not read Cheap Talk if you have been diagnosed with a double digit IQ. Those struggling to "find themselves" should not review these posts, nor should those for whom educational pursuits were a challenge. Cheap Talk is not approved by the Food & Drug Administration, and has not been independently evaluated for accuracy or legitimacy (no duh!). People that consume this product should not do so without consulting their physician, as generally unpleasant side effects may result. Some readers have reported feeling a wave of euphoria; most others indicate feelings of discomfort that include headache, nausea and vomiting.
    

If you experience any of the following symptoms - large, unattractive rashes, sudden hair loss, an inability to focus, vertigo, drooling, inappropriate social behavior, uncontrollable urges, sleeplessness, drowsiness, violent physical or vocal outbursts - consult your physician immediately. If, after reading Cheap Talk, you develop overwhelming thoughts of suicide or murder, or if you are driven to destroy everything you come into contact with, seek professional help right away. Subscribers who are already societal misfits are cautioned that abusing Cheap Talk may lead to addictive behaviors patterns. In rare cases of overdose, it is reported that speaking in tongues or spontaneously yelling "Get this crap away from me!" has occurred. If you experience an erection lasting more than 4 hours, you're on your own.
 
     There, that should cover both this topic and my fanny. I urge you to remain vigilant and watch for posts in the near future that will surely astound you. In the near term, with my trusty travelling companion Bearcat, I've got a camping trip planned, as well as a return to Sierra Leone. In the months thereafter, watch for further exploits that will include the launch of yet another kayak season, an ASP trip to West Virginia, and Lord knows what else. It's not easy being me, but it sure is fun......
Curabitur ut risus.