The Legend Of PattyPalooza

                   
Citizens:

     Well, Mother Nature sure showed us who's still in charge. Let's see, in the span of 5 short days, those of us fortunate enough to live in the idyllic paradise that is the lower Susquahanna Valley, experienced both an earthquake (Richter 5.8ish) and a hurricane (Irene - Cat 1ish). Superstitious types - those who believe that these things come in threes, are awaiting the volcanic eruption that we're surely destined to experience. I scoff at such pedestrian fears, but suggest there may be another event of similarly seismic proportions on the horizon - PattyPalooza X! For those of you who don't already understand the significance of this annual soiree, permit me to bring you up to speed (so to speak).

     Long ago, in a land far, far away, there lived a beautiful Princess and her dashing husband, the Prince. They enjoyed a peaceful existance, blessed with 2 fine sturdy children, making their home in a bucolic setting, deep within an enchanted woodland. All was well. But then, inevitably, their children grew and developed interests outside their forest home.

       At first, this seemed a benign development; the empty nest had been a foregone conclusion to child-rearing, but somehow, the emptiness that enveloped the royal couple was palpable. This was especially true for the Princess - Patty. Whiling away the days with sundry employment and decorating tasks just didn't fill the void in her life that this natural progression had wrought.

     It was just after hosting the perfunctory family gathering, that the Princess had an idea; why not create an annual event for family and assorted townsfolk to enjoy? This would surely provide the missing spark and likely result in mirth and merriment for all involved. 

     

      She quickly set to the task, incorporating ideas and assistance from the farthest reaches of the kingdom. The resultant pagan festival that bears her name - PattyPalooza - was born. Over the years, the Princess and her Prince transformed their arboreal homeland into a theme park, of sorts. 

     Featured attractions, added throught the years include: the slip & slide of doom, the duck regatta, fireworks (the real ones, not those dopey fake ones), kareoke, bean bag/washer toss tourneys, talent contests, awards ceremonies, and last years' crowning jewels, the pool and Tiki bar. Theme t-shirts were added over the years, some of which made their way to other lands, destined perhaps to inspire other fair-haired princesses.

     So there you have it; as we prepare for this year's edition, the 10th, those fortunate souls holding the golden invitation tickets will surely rest their heads each night, their hearts full of wonder - anticipating what's to come. Sweet dreams.....                                    

   

Wall Paper

Vaqueros:
     For some reason lately, walls have been a recurring theme in Speed's world. as many of you know, I am an accomplished <my opinion, not independently verified> dry-stack wall builder. My skills are in high demand; this, evidenced by the plethora of requests I receive for assistance/advice for said services. In fact, at this very moment, I am considering how best to overcome significant challenges posed by yet another of these muros de piedra.
     As such, and in response to the overwhelming outpouring of opinion generated by my "Rain" post several months back, I thought I'd reprise that work of art - this time, featuring "Walls". However, instead of limiting myself to musical references only, I'd consider other genres as well. So, without further dalliance, here is my brief "Walls In Pop Culture" listing (try to keep up):

Musical Groups: Wallflowers / Wall Of VooDoo / Tilly and the Wall
Songs: Hello Walls / The Wall (duh) / Wonderwall / 99 Bottles of Beer On The Wall
Movies: The Wall (see above) / Wall-E
Other References: "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!" - Ronald Reagan / Wall Of Sound - Phil Spector

     Again dear friends, this is obviously not an exhaustive listing, but one designed merely to get your minds moving at a modicum of the warp-speed pace at which mine cruises. Please do not dissappoint me; respond with suggestions that I've deliberately omitted missed - thereby confirming your attendence at these lectures.
     This has been a stimulating exercise - so much so that I'm reminded of the inspirational words of Col. Nathan Jessup. I intend to apply this crystalized logicism as I face my current challenge: "You want me on that wall; you need me on that wall.".........
                                                   

Ea$y Come - Ea$y Go

Plebeians:  

        By now, I’m sure you all have nearly had your fill of this whole “Debt Ceiling” issue. Well I thought I’d put a capper on this and provide you, my devoted readers, with my personal thoughts on all things financial; Tommy Geronimo’s Econ 101. In some jurisdictions, the following qualifies you for Continuing Education Credits (CEUs)

     Regardless of your politics (Democrat / Republican / Tea Party / Whig), I’m guessing that the recent Beltway goings-on we’ve seen have left you flummoxed. Let me clear it up for you. You see, it’s actually very simple; if you don’t earn/make/collect enough money to pay all your bills, simply borrow some more. Here's a theorum that I heard the other day that may help explain this rationale: "If you borrow $1 million, the bank owns you; if you borrow $100 million, you own the bank".       
    A cursory review of my vast holdings reveals that, at this point, I’m about even – give or take a few dollars. However, some time ago, I examined my annual Social Security statement and, for lack of anything remotely productive with which to sate my child-like curiosity, calculated my gross earnings to that point. To my customary self-centered delight, I discovered that over the course of my working life, I had earned over $1 million dollars! Feeling rather good about that, I mentioned this to my family; they
soon reminded me that those listed earnings spanned approximately 40 years, and (doing the math) this wasn't such a remarkable accomplishment. In fact, they chided me for how long it took to reach that lofty plane. I was devastated unamused.
      Nonplussed, I returned a snappy response: not only had I earned over $1 million dollars in my life, I had spent over $1 million dollars as well - this last fact evidenced by the negligable balances in my bank accounts. No one in the room was as impressed with that as I; this, owing no doubt to my resistance to any/all attempts to instill a Puritan work ethic, during my formative years. It was after this testy exchange, staring sullenly into my bowl of Special K (what else would I eat?), that I began to hatch my latest scheme. 

     Since I had no interest in trying was unable to substantively alter the earn/spend equation by conventional means (work harder / work longer / work smarter / spend less), I should <cue the patriotic music> follow my country’s lead by borrowing substantially more money than I could ever hope to repay. This, I'm confident, will finally free me from the unbearable bonds of servitude and enable me to discard the yoke of burdensome daily toil. I’ll be rich.

      All that remains is some paperwork; I’ve done the heavy lifting by completing most of the forms, however I need your help, dear friends. Simply notify me of your interest in becoming a co-signer - first come, first serve – so I may begin to enjoy the financial freedom that most of you may only dream of.

     See you on the golf course……….