Plebeians:
By now, I’m sure you all have nearly had your fill of this whole “Debt Ceiling” issue. Well I thought I’d put a capper on this and provide you, my devoted readers, with my personal thoughts on all things financial; Tommy Geronimo’s Econ 101. In some jurisdictions, the following qualifies you for Continuing Education Credits (CEUs)
Regardless of your politics (Democrat / Republican / Tea Party / Whig), I’m guessing that the recent Beltway goings-on we’ve seen have left you flummoxed. Let me clear it up for you. You see, it’s actually very simple; if you don’t earn/make/collect enough money to pay all your bills, simply borrow some more. Here's a theorum that I heard the other day that may help explain this rationale: "If you borrow $1 million, the bank owns you; if you borrow $100 million, you own the bank".
A cursory review of my vast holdings reveals that, at this point, I’m about even – give or take a few dollars. However, some time ago, I examined my annual Social Security statement and, for lack of anything remotely productive with which to sate my child-like curiosity, calculated my gross earnings to that point. To my customary self-centered delight, I discovered that over the course of my working life, I had earned over $1 million dollars! Feeling rather good about that, I mentioned this to my family; they
soon reminded me that those listed earnings spanned approximately 40 years, and (doing the math) this wasn't such a remarkable accomplishment. In fact, they chided me for how long it took to reach that lofty plane. I wasdevastated unamused.
Nonplussed, I returned a snappy response: not only had I earned over $1 million dollars in my life, I had spent over $1 million dollars as well - this last fact evidenced by the negligable balances in my bank accounts. No one in the room was as impressed with that as I; this, owing no doubt to my resistance to any/all attempts to instill a Puritan work ethic, during my formative years. It was after this testy exchange, staring sullenly into my bowl of Special K (what else would I eat?), that I began to hatch my latest scheme.
A cursory review of my vast holdings reveals that, at this point, I’m about even – give or take a few dollars. However, some time ago, I examined my annual Social Security statement and, for lack of anything remotely productive with which to sate my child-like curiosity, calculated my gross earnings to that point. To my customary self-centered delight, I discovered that over the course of my working life, I had earned over $1 million dollars! Feeling rather good about that, I mentioned this to my family; they
soon reminded me that those listed earnings spanned approximately 40 years, and (doing the math) this wasn't such a remarkable accomplishment. In fact, they chided me for how long it took to reach that lofty plane. I was
Nonplussed, I returned a snappy response: not only had I earned over $1 million dollars in my life, I had spent over $1 million dollars as well - this last fact evidenced by the negligable balances in my bank accounts. No one in the room was as impressed with that as I; this, owing no doubt to my resistance to any/all attempts to instill a Puritan work ethic, during my formative years. It was after this testy exchange, staring sullenly into my bowl of Special K (what else would I eat?), that I began to hatch my latest scheme.
Since I had no interest in trying was unable to substantively alter the earn/spend equation by conventional means (work harder / work longer / work smarter / spend less), I should <cue the patriotic music> follow my country’s lead by borrowing substantially more money than I could ever hope to repay. This, I'm confident, will finally free me from the unbearable bonds of servitude and enable me to discard the yoke of burdensome daily toil. I’ll be rich.
All that remains is some paperwork; I’ve done the heavy lifting by completing most of the forms, however I need your help, dear friends. Simply notify me of your interest in becoming a co-signer - first come, first serve – so I may begin to enjoy the financial freedom that most of you may only dream of.
See you on the golf course……….
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